I am the high commander,
and this... is my salute.
Dick narrating: after trapping me in an invisible box,
my evil replacement continued his diabolical plot
to rule the world.
I am building the greatest incubator
these puny humans
have ever known.
And when it is completed,
I will spawn my own private army of--
of... fuzzy easter chicks.
He's in command, and that's that.
He's...
he's just mean, and there's nothing we can do about it.
So, Dr. Albright, refresh my memory,
have you and I...
had sex yet?
Why, yes, I believe we have.
How was it?
It was... nice.
Next time, it won't be so nice.
Why, this is beautiful, Nina.
So...
exquisitely beautiful.
Well, we got a new toner cartridge.
Don't be so modest.
I'll see you later.
All right.
- Dick! - Dick!
Sally! Look out! There's an invisible--
oh, you guys,
there's an invisible box.
- Tommy: I've seen these.
Ah, clap off, huh?
Dick!
- You made it! - Free! I'm free!
Oh, Tommy!
I'm free! Freedom!
Don't tire yourself out, commander.
I want you to witness the destruction
my little device wreaks on the world you love so well.
What have you done to our toaster?
- Run!
- Hello. - Hewwoh!
This is Mr. Poopie bear.
Is this my wittle bunny face doll?
Hi, Mr. Poopie bear. Is wou happy?
I'd be happier if I was
- in a bit snuggle buggle wit wou.
No, I'm the cat!
Why are you getting so worked up over politics? It's simple.
- You vote for the best man. The best man wins. - Or woman.
Oh, that's priceless!
Oh, hey, how was your day?
Great. I am the king of Dorkopolis.
My liege.
Complete Huang Po's classic couplet
of love and betrayal.
There's a terrible crisis.
We were at the store, and the place was a mad house.
People were cramming everything they could into their carts,
especially these giant balls of butter.
You murdered it!
No-Ooo!
Stay with me, Harry. I'll save you.
No! Save yourself!
- Harry!
Can you hear me... Harry?
Oh-hhh!
I'm not saying that I couldn't act.
I could be very convincing. Light comedy.
Horror.
Tragedy.
- Say, that cloud looks like...
a giant funnel with mobile homes stuck in it.
Oh, look! A flying cow!
Whoa!
Dick!
Where am I?
Who... am I?
- I don't want you to judge me. - I never judge you.
Sometimes I do.
Often.
Always.
How can you look at yourself,
deceiving the person you love for the sake of a mission?
Look at you.
You're gorgeous!
No! We can't hide.
I say we come out of the bunker and into the street.
I say we hold an alien pride parade.
We'll all get together,
and we'll prove that we're all--
humans.
Sally, there's a note for you on the door.
"Please make up room."
All right! I'll do it when we get back.
I'm out.
I'm out of the closet.
- Surprise! - Surprise.
- Mary, I miss you already. - Now, Dick,
you don't have to throw me a surprise party
every time I go to a conference.
- You wouldn't be saying that if Nina had worn her hat. - Oh, really?
Prepare yourself for a fancy feast.
- Fancy feast? Can we afford that? - Yes, we can.
While I was shopping today, I found this aisle in the back
that had these unbelievable savings--
tuna, liver, and new seafood blend for you finicky types.
Wait a minute. You're feeding us cat?
It's not cat, Tommy. It's salmon.
There's just a picture of a cat on the label.
The best part is, next to the food
they had these adorable little gifts. Look.
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
There's nothing wrong with my family.
Your son is eating cat food.
Both: cat food?
This is just so earth.
Humans. I don't want to play
any of their reindeer games.
I have a wonderful sense of humor.
Uh... Nina, come in here.
I have a wonderful sense of humor, don't I?
Aw!
See?
I'll tell you what you want to know!
I'll tell you the truth, I promise.
Of course you will, Dr. Solomon.
Please...
sit.
What are you doing?
I am going to torture you until you talk.
Once again, I find myself at the mercy
of someone I wouldn't let pick my nose.
Whoa.
That was a close one.
All I know is I got a transmitter in my head
and "Charlie's angels" is on weeknights at 7:00.
Oh, my god! It's 7:00 now!
When's Sally going to get back with those diapers?
Oh, look!
Somethin' coming out of his nose again.
Ugh! It's like he's got wetness
coming out of every hole in his body.
Dumb, wet baby.
- Hey, he likes it. - Oh! Oh!
Maybe not.
All: whoo!
Sally? Harry?
Tommy?
"Dear Dick, of all the people we've worked for,
you were the best, you stupid, stupid man."
They're gone. I miss them.
- Where's your family? - They took off,
and it's all my fault,
but I'm going to find them.
No matter how long it takes, no matter what I have to do,
I'm going to find them and get them back, and this I vow.
Where'd they go?
Pizza.